We’re Back!

Oh, um, hey you guys. Did you think we forgot about you? Don’t be ridiculous. We could never forget you. We just needed a little time a part so we could remember how much we love you. Absence makes the heart grow fonder and all that.  But, now we’re totally back and committed to writing hilarious posts about fashion and pop culture and our lives. What’s happened since we last talked, hmm? Let’s see…

  • This season of the Bachelorette is the most painfully boring thing reality TV has ever offered us. Google says so. Seriously, no one (no one) loves a trashy reality show like us and we both quit watching. I mean, Emily didn’t even do the fantasy suite right.
  • Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge wore this. And this. And also this. They’re all, eh, fine, I guess. I must say I’ve been a little bored with her choices of late. I still love her though. Plus, I’m sure she’d be just gutted to know that I’m bored. She has literally nothing better to worry about. Also, photos of their honeymoon have surfaced. While I love to be a voyeur, this does seem a little weirdly invasive, so I won’t post the link. Let them have some frolic on the beach time, GEEZ.
  • Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are getting divorced. And now there is an epic billion year battle to the death to save her soul from the Sea Org…Or something?
  • There’s a new Kardashian! And it’s a girl! And her name doesn’t start with a’ K’. (Really it’s a Disick, but whatever)

That’s um, pretty much it right?

Stay tuned for more on my 1970’s wedding. I made a choice. By myself. Like a grown up. Am still very concerned that it’s the wrong decision.

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Strawberry Margarita and Cognac

So, yeah. I haven’t been around much recently…and for what, I am sure you are asking. WHAT HAVE YOU FORSAKEN US FOR? Weeell. The gym. Yep. It turns out it is reaaaaally hard to travel every weekend, go to the gym three times a week, and also run errands (you know, silly errands like buying groceries and going to medical appointments).  At least for me…I was so proud of myself when I actually went to the grocery store after the gym on monday night.  That right there is what a motherfucking adult does. I felt so proud typing it into twitter. I went to the gym. And then afterwards took public transit and procured food for the week. I even had a list.

Since the last time I wrote:

1. I decided that I hate my entire wardrobe and have been systematically dismantling it. There is an incredibly large pile of clothing on my bedroom floor. Replacing it hasn’t been going so well.

2. I found the perfect summer nail polish colour – O.P.I.’s Strawberry Margarita.

3. I bought a brown purse. I know. AM I FUCKING KIDDING!? No. I bought it. It’s brown (although I call it cognac because while I’m not okay with having a brown purse, I am okay with carrying something around that is the colour of booze. It’s my booze bag. Look, I never said I was a rational human being )

I’ll be back later in the week with more nattering about purses and my dwindling wardrobe!

I’m Sorry To Do This To You Again…

But, I have another wedding to go to, and this one is a doozy. It is well documented that we both love a wedding. However, I don’t really know how I feel about the heavily themed wedding. It’s a princess theme and everything is pink, and glass carriages and castles? Ew. It all just seems sort of heavy handed and unnecessary and odd. I can get behind colour schemes and recurring motifs. But to dedicate yourself to making sure every element of your wedding commits to some detached theme is just…I don’t know, icky.

The wedding I’ll be headed to in July is a 1970’s theme. Not only do I find this troublesome because of the appearance of a theme at all, but the 1970’s is truly the last decade I would like to see emulated. I can’t really think of a single of my personal fashion icons who looked amazing in the 70’s. The movies, the music, the television, none of it has every really spoken to me. So, dear readers I need you to help me figure out how I can comply with the theme (I’m not a complete wet blanket. I can see the fun here, I want to participate) while still being fashionable and true to me. I want to still feel comfortable and not feel like I’m wearing a costume.

Here, some things from the 70’s I can stand.

Things from the 70's I can stand

Top Row L to R – Allie McGraw, Vogue Magazine, Bianca Jagger
Bottom Row L –  to R Liza Minelli, 70’s bike girls – one with rooster t-shirt (!), Farrah Fawvett

So, where in the world does one go to find a modern, but somehow 1970’s inspired dress?! HELP!

God Save the Queen – And her wonderful hats

Diana and Kate. Grace and Margaret. Even the infamous Wallis Simpson are undisputed Royal fashion icons.  But Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II doesn’t, as far as we’re concerned, get the credit she deserves. Maybe it’s because as the monarch of 16 nations and head of state 54 more, she seems too serious a figure to reduce to a mere celebrity.

To fawn over her fashion doesn’t seem befitting someone of her stature. As modern feminist type women, we certainly agree Her Majesty is one important, inspirational, powerful woman. She is also a lady of pretty great style. She catches some heat for her tendancy to ‘matchy match.’ And of course her current style is a little more mature than most of us would want. But please keep in mind, homegirl is 86. Back in the day she was right on point. She’s doing senior fashion now, and I think she’s doing it right. Colourful and modest. She always looks like she’s in charge. And there is always always a hint of sparkle, bling, brocade, or jewels (truly, her jewels are fabulous). A lady after our own hearts.

In honour of Her Majesty’s Diamond Jubilee celebration that has been happening over the last few days, this is our own celebration of one of our icons. Oh, and because it’s fun…Hats!

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Pops of Neon

Irene and I were talking the other day and she informed me that she finally found a sheer black blouse, after searching for one for an entire year! Yay for her! I told her she needed to immediately pair it with one of her many cobalt coloured items (seriously, girl is addicted) and then I had a brainwave – NEON.

Neon is a huge trend this summer (see here, here, and here). For those of us born in the early 80s (myself anyway) it brings back a huge wave of nostalgia- who didn’t have a neon Lisa Frank notebook, one of those neon shirt clips with rhinestones, neon laces for your hi-tops, or those spandex leggings with neon stripes down the sides? Bonus points if you wore it all at once like me.

I love neon. LOVE. I don’t want to wear a whole neon shirt though….that is just not kind to my almost 30 year old face. So when Irene was like ‘ooh yes, cobalt pencil skirt and sheer black blouse’ I commanded her to “ADD A NEON BELT! DO IT! DO IT!’  She stopped texting me after that point, but I love it. Adding pops of neon is fucking hot, it’s a grown up way to add neon to an outfit, and it might be a little more flattering on us folk who wore it the first time round.

Pops of Neon

See? That is hot. Imagine wearing this little outfit some steamy summer night. With lots of black eyeliner and nude lips. IRENE, ARE YOU LISTENING? 😉

I’m Adorable

It’s raining like crazy here, and is colder than it’s been all week (it’s still 18 degrees though), but to make myself and everyone around me feel better I’m wearing this today:

polka dots

Polka dots! Bows! Bright Red Shorts!
I’m adorable, is what I’m saying. And I thought you all should know.

I want to look like a CUTE sweaty tomato, okay!?

Soo, I joined a gym this week. Started working with a personal trainer. Still haven’t managed to curb my pizza consumption, but you know…baby steps!

I went for my first personal training session on Monday and it was actually embarassing. I had no idea that people actually wore fancy lululemon shit to the gym! I thought everyone was in sweatpants and that ratty t-shirt you stole from your ex-boyfriend. Apparently not! So not only did I resemble a large and sweaty tomato, but I was wearing baggy soccer shorts that I bought in junior high and a baggy men’s running shirt. It was like 1994 all over again. I just need some Ace of Base and TLC on my walkman and I’ll be living the dream again.

No, what I actually need is workout gear that doesn’t make me look giant. I want to look cute while I work out. I don’t care how shallow that is.  I already resemble a large and sweaty tomato…is wearing cute workout gear too much to ask!?

cute workout gear
Also, Q: is Lululemon realllly worth it!?

Thanks to H&M for the most compliment filled day of my life.

I wore this sunny yellow dress to work yesterday.

sunny yello

At least 6 people told me how pretty it is. So, thanks H&M for making my day. I don’t actually have those shoes, but aren’t they adorable?

Can we finish these cookies so I can get back to being an insecure idiot?

It might already be a cliche to say this, but this season of the bachelorette is zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Whoops, I feel asleep just thinking about it. Seriously. Shit is boring.

Emily is without a doubt seriously beautiful. Her clothes this episode were amazing. The dress she wore to destroy Joe’s life is probably my favourite thing I’ve seen on this show ever (that’s it, right up there). She seems very sweet and lovely. However, and I’m sure she’s got a lot of family, friends and fans who will fight me for saying this this, but what she lacks in personality she makes up for in sequins. And there are a lot of sequins.

The only thing more boring than the Bachelorette herself are all her male suitors. It’s like ABC has worked it’s way through every last single man who is interesting/has a personality/sense of humour. Or at the very least all the ones who are willing to become dating show contestants.

Some of her most memorable options include Ryan. He of the “Can we be done with the cookies so I can get back to being a man?” and “I like to play cat and mouse” fame. Misogyny, ftw? Puke.

Then there was Kalon. The dude who just bought everything at Ralph Lauren and called it a day (The Golden Gals love RL by the bye, but looking like you literally stepped out of a catalogue isn’t actually a good look). Kalon actually told another contestant that if he were him he wouldn’t like himself either. This means one of two things is true. Kalon thinks he is SO AMAZING that he immediately fills all other humans who are forced to be around him with a jealousy that can only be assuaged with fiery hate. Or he’s aware of what a complete dick he is, and would, if he were another person, hate his own smarmy guts. Pretty neat, right? Emily thought so, Kalon got the first rose. Puke squared.

The Bachelor franchise really should be a home run. It’s beautiful people, its romantic locations, it’s catty back handed behaviour and, fingers crossed, there’s the potential for suggestive closed doors and dark spaces with the sounds of people mashing themselves together. It is exactly what we all want from reality television. And yet, ABC had to work in 10 minutes of Muppets. MUPPETS. To be honest, even Kermit and Piggy aren’t saving this season. Maybe if they let Statler and Waldorf narrate the cocktail parties?

Discussion Points: Game of Thrones

I just caught up on Game of Thrones and would like to discuss a few things:

  • I want more screen time for the direwolves. Also, I want to see Robb Stark ride Grey Wind into battle.
  • If it wasn’t for that scary Pyatt Pree disappearing and reappearing and multipling at will, who seemingly cannot be killed but loves sliting throats and mass murdering, Qarth seems like a really neat place to live. Right?
  • Sir Richard Carlisle as Jorah Mormont is no longer the only re-cast from Downton Abbey. Ygrett is Gwen Dawson, ya’ll. Her sexual harassment of Jon Snow was my favourite. Probably because I secretly kind of want to sexually harass Jon Snow. A head of hair like that does not deserve a life on the wall.
  • Osha(aka Natalia Tena, who is totally Tonks in Harry Potter) showed her boobs in a rather successful attempt to trick Theon Greyjoy. There are a ton of breasts in this show. You pretty much can’t get cast as a woman and not expect to be topless. However, I watched this episode with a boy who was over come with emotion and squealed ‘Tonks’ titties?!’
  • And finally. What the fuck Theon Greyjoy?!

Discuss.

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